Statistic
by JohnnyStyle
Summary: That is what the residents of the Bahak system have become.  Paragon or renegade that's going to weigh on Shepard's mind having been denied to chose wether they lived or died.  Rated M for coarse lanuage, adult themes and renegade cuteness.  A twinshot.
1. Paragon's Sorrow

**Statistic**

**Paragon's Sorrow **

"Where are you going commander?" Miranda asked as Jane Daria Shepard prepared the shuttle for launch.

"I need to talk about what happened," Shepard explained.

"Kelly Chambers is well trained to offer.."

"I know Miranda I've made time to be... I've made several appointments," she reassured her current second in command. "I just have to go see, her, in person."

"The asari information broker?"

"No just Liara," Jane Daria said wistfully.

"So you expect us to wait for you?" Miranda asked.

"No go to Illium give the crew some leave," Shepard ordered. "I'll be back in few days."

* * *

><p>Jane Daria looked out at the galaxy, trying to find the words. But were there appropriate words for what she had done. Over and over the number flashed in her head, honestly though it wasn't the actual figure, every time she picture it it increased it was now closer to 500 000 instead of the actual estimated 300 000. If only her warning wasn't interrupted, if only she hadn't been attacked, if only she could relive those two days. The tears wouldn't come though, she was too empty, too drained. Finally space gave way to the atmosphere of Hagalaz and she was able to focus on docking with the hidden ship that was currently home to Liara T'soni, Jane Daria Shepard's true love.<p>

* * *

><p>Somehow Shepard managed to drag herself to the command centre.<p>

"Welcome back," Liara said brightly before she noticed the pain and invisible burden Shepard seemed to be carrying. "I'll send Feron to inventory the cargo areas so we can talk in private."

Shepard managed a polite greeting to the drell as they passed each other but promptly fell into the chair he had vacated as soon as the door had closed behind him.

"Something terrible happened," Liara stated. "And you couldn't stop it."

"No something terrible happened," Jane Daria replied. "And I caused it, I pushed the button, I...I... all those people."

"Tell me?" Liara said wrapping an arm around her human soul mate as she sat down beside her.

"It started out simple," Shepard said. "Extract a prisoner from a batarian prison in the Bahak system, then confirm intel concerning the reapers in this case the existence of a reaper artefact"

"I take it the mission was, what did you call it? Fubar was the acronym right?"

"Oh beyond anything that it has ever been applied to," Jane Daria wailed. "The artefact was counting down."

"To what?" Liara asked truly scared of the answer.

"The reapers arrival," Jane Daria explained. "I talked to one as I committed my crime."

"What happened?" Liara asked.

"The entire station was indoctrinated," Shepard said. " They had the artefact sitting there for months. I should have been more cautious but Doctor Kenson, the woman I freed from the prison, got the drop on me. I managed to fight off the soldiers they sent even took down their big mech, but then the artefact discharged some kind of energy pulse."

"You got knocked out?" Liara asked.

"Yes," Shepard replied. "But thanks to the various upgrades I've received I didn't stay that way."

"I'm glad some good came out of handing you over the Cerberus," Liara said. Jane Daria squeezed Liara's hand reassuringly with her own to let her know Liara had made the right decisions there.

-

"In any case two days became mere hours," the spectre explained. "The plan was warn the colony then activate the project to destroy the mass relay."

"Destroy a mass relay! Is that possibly?" Liara exclaimed.

"With a big enough projectile travelling fast enough yes," Jane Daria explained. "Before the research team was indoctrinated they finished weaponizing the asteroid they found the artefact on. The plan was to give the colonists some time to evacuate then turn the thing on."

"With only hours to evacuate the entire planet?" Liara said. "But of course you're you you tried to warn them anyway."

"Yes, maybe some could have got out of the system in time," she said. "I'm not up to date with batarian politics or ethics but I'm guessing political fall out would be lessened even if it most of the slave population was left behind in the rush. A chance, every one on the planet deserved that, had a right to that, but I couldn't give it to them."

"Why?"

"Doctor Kenson," Shepard said. "She cut all the comms and then tried to blow up the asteroid with its reactor. I managed to stop that but she blew herself up right in front of me. I couldn't, I couldn't think of a way to stop her. All I could do after that was fix the communications, call Joker for pick up and then watch the entire Bahak system die by my hands."

"So the missing relay every one is talking about that was you?" Liara asked.

"I slammed an asteroid into it," Shepard said. " That star system isn't there any more and neither are the people... I killed them all and I don't know if there is anything inside me capable of feeling anything about it. I haven't cried, I should cry about this thing I've done, but no tears have fell. Does that mean I actually I'm deluding myself and I don't actual feel anything about it?"

"Jane Daria," Liara said. "I can see how much you're hurting but I know for now you'll put it aside while the galaxy needs you. Remember no matter what happens I love you and believe in you."

"Thanks Liara that means a lot to me," Jane Daria replied with a sad smile upon her face.. "I'm going to have to face an inquiry once Admiral Hackett can't stall any longer. You'll be there?"

"I wish I could say yes," Liara said. "But the reapers seem to be interfering with our lives more often lately. Just remember when it all comes down to it they are truly the ones at fault."

"That doesn't bring those people back," Jane Daria replied. "Still can I stay here awhile?"

"Of course."

As Jane Daria Shepard laid her head in the asari's lap, she shed the first of the innumerable tears for the souls of the Bahak system.


	2. Renegade's Rage

**Statistic **

**Renegade's Rage**

"Hey Shepard!" Jack called. "Hey I'm talking to..."

Tali barely pulled the heavily tattooed woman clear of the biotic shock wave sent out by the spectre. Thankfully the hanger deck was clear of all other personnel. Tali winced when she saw the damage the human had done to the hover tanks stabilisers.

"What the yell Shepard!" Jack yelled.

"Just leave her Jack," Tali advised. "She's been like that since Admiral Hackett left two days ago.

"She pissed off about something?"

"She just killed a star system," Tali replied. "That even has to affect someone like her."

They noticed Shepard had stopped pacing and fuming and was looking straight at them.

"Jack tell Miranda I'll be gone for a few days," with that Shepard hopped in the shuttle and prepared for launch.

"But.." Jack tried to say.

"Come on Jack," Tali said. "I know you and Miranda don't get along but Shepard did ask. Lets head up there before we're both accidental spaced."

Xandi Shepard punched the wall ignoring the passing vista of space. She created a biotic field and punched it again. There was a small dent now. She charged her biotics again, turned and then panting, let the power ebb away. She had almost biotically charged straight through the shuttle's door. Her anger was affecting her badly and her only hope was that Liara T'soni could calm her.

Liara found her spectre asleep across the shuttle's seats when it docked on autopilot. As she gently woke the human she was treated to one of Xandi's rare smiles. Then she saw the look, the I really need to talk to you about something one, in the human's eyes.

"What's wrong Xandi Sue?" she asked as she lifted the woman into her blue embrace.

"I failed," Xandi said as she gently pushed the asari away.

"Tell me?" Liara pleaded as she followed Xandi down the corridor to the control room. She was startled when Xandi slammed her fist down on the main console.

"I achieved all my objectives in my last mission," Xandi said. "Any could call it a success for a certain measure of the term. But I...it will always be a failure to me."

"Xandi Sue please explain in more detail so I can help!" Liara raising her voice actually rid Xandi of her hesitation. So she began to explain what was causing her to be ashamed and angry and hesitant.

"Admiral Hackett contacted me a week ago," Shepard said. "Standard mission really, rescue a prisoner from the batarians and then confirm her intel. The kind of thing I could do in my sleep even without back up as the Admiral asked. Then it all went to hell."

"How bad?"

"Worse than Virmire," Xandi explained. "Worse then when I died. The reaper artefact I was asked to confirm the existence of, well it was real and it was counting down. The entire facility was indoctrinated. I should have realised but they were all being reasonable until like good little puppets they sprung their trap. I hate flame throwers by the way."

"I take it the countdown was to something bad the reapers would be doing when it was over?" Liara asked.

"Their arrival in the Bahak system," Xandi stated. "From that beachhead they could launch their galactic extinction event. But they can't use that mass relay any more. The project to weaponize the asteroid they found the artefact on was completed before the reaper's lies took hold. All I had to do was push the button to fire it at the mass relay."

"And you pressed it?"

"It was all I could do," Shepard said. "They took me down in their ambush..."

"But you never ever stay down," Liara completed.

"By the time I woke up there were mere hours left in the count down rather than the two days when I arrived," Xandi explained. "That's when I made my worst ever mistake. All through this time being forced to work with Cerberus I've been basing my decisions on the one thing in this life I'm sure of and that's you Liara. Every time I'm faced with a choice I try to think of the kind of galaxy I want to leave for you when I'm gone for good."

She paused to take a breath before continuing.

"Every time I was faced with something big I always asked myself will Liara be able to still look at me? Would I be able to face you and say I made the right choice?"

Xandi Shepard turned away from Liara,her fist clenched trying to find the courage to tell the asari what she had or rather hadn't done. Liara circled her arms around the human's waist and rested her head on her back.

"Take your time."

"I could try to justify it by saying communications were probably jammed anyway, that most of the victims were slaves who might even welcome death or even a population of such a small size couldn't be evacced in such as limited time frame," Xandi said. "But the truth of the matter is I didn't even try to warn them. I just fired the weapon. How can I even face you when I didn't even try?"

"And this is why you are so angry with yourself?" Liara asked.

"Yes because for you I should strive to be better, to do better," Xandi said. "Instead I might become the reason war breaks out between the batarians and Alliance and I am most definitely the reason every one in the Bahak system is dead. That's not the kind of future I want to leave you were non combatants are sacrificed so easily. I hate myself so much right know."

"Please don't," Liara asked kindly. "Ultimately it's the reapers fault. Without you we would all be in the reaper's thrall right now."

"Delaying them isn't much consolation," Xandi replied. "Neither was shooting that bitch, Doctor Kenson, before she could blow herself up."

They stayed embraced in silence for awhile, Xandi's scars fading a Liara's presence calmed her.

"Hey where's umm?" Xandi said after a time. "What was his name again?"  
>"Feron?" Xandi nodded at Liara's reply. "I believe I sent him to the citadel to obtain an alliance dress uniform for some reason."<p>

"You already knew?"

"Not about me being your moral and ethical compass," Liara explained. "But I did hear about a an Alliance officer needing a uniform for a inquiry as she lost the her old one in the depths of space some where."

"Damn forgot I only had civilian duds and Cerberus crap," Shepard said. "You're the best you know."

"Of course," Liara said. "And don't you forget it."


End file.
